3 Responses to “Choosing to Pursue Happiness”


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  1. What a powerful and reflexive insight! Happiness also fuels my writing. I can’t piece words together when I’m in a slump, so I relate to the final graf. Great work Mariam!

  2. Lydia Lombardo

    Mariam, I’m not gonna call you Miss Mariam because I consider we are equals, although I am much older than you. Anyway, this is what I say to my granddaughters and to other young women I know. Everybody seems to be happy with this comment “from Grandma.”……”As a woman, you CAN have it all, but maybe not all at the same time.” I know because I have had it all. I am one of the pioneer feminists who, after I read Betty Friedan in my early 30s decided that God would not have given me a brain, if He didn’t want me to use it. By then I was married with a big bunch of children and a husband whom I loved dearly. But there it was, the “problem” with no name. It took me several years to finally go to college and I had a 30 year career in marketing/communication in the businss world. I, like you, am a writer. I must admit that I never went beyond middle management, because I started late. But you are a wonderful writer and have established your career and writing is something you can do forever, and I am. I write for the retirement home newsletter, for which I receive lots of strokes, and am writing vignettes of my family,one of which I submittd to COMMONWEAL magazine. I was also just published in a continuing education anthology. Admittedly, this is NOT at all in your league, but I want to encourage you to meet and marry THE guy when you find him and to have some kids. There is nothing in this world that can equal being loved and married to a man who thinks you are the best thing next to white bread. Yes, lonliness does suck and I miss my man every day, as he died seven years ago. But I have very successful children and I consider them my greatest accomplishments. I applaud you and your career, but I gotta tell you, even it will pale when you hold that first baby in your arms. Feminists, and I am one and so was my husband, also are women and as women, we yearn to be loved, and I think we yearn for babies. Some of the bigtime career women are saying to forfeit this so you can get to the top and that’s their choice. I wonder if they have assessed incorrectly. Recently Barbara Walters, who certainly reached the apex of her career, said that if she could change anything in her life, it would be to have more children. On the other hand, Oprah says she’s glad she didn’t have children. I am just here as a different voice for you, and I know black women come from a different place, but I connected with you and your musings about dating, etc. so I thought I would be a white grandma, even if you didn’t ask me. Sincerely, Lydia

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