If the Mayans are right*, and the world does end on Dec. 21, 2012—does anyone else wonder if the end will roll over the earth time zone by time zone?—I’ll be happy that:
I don’t have to pay off my student loan after all!
I won’t have to worry about health insurance.
This pesky pinched nerve and the discs crushing it won’t be bothering me anymore.
Those medical bills will be poof! Gone!
I can stop feeling weird/sad/lonely for being fabulous and chronically single.
I won’t receive a rejection silent treatment—because really, it’s waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much trouble to send a
“Thanks but not at this time” email because every one out of six people is a writer and editors can’t reply to everyone—ever again.
Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul won’t be my senators anymore!
On that note, people who suck will disappear all together!
There would be no more problems to solve.
One of my final meals came from Funmi’s.
I ate lots of candy this week.
If the Mayans are right, I’ll be sad that:
I didn’t get to spend my last days dancing.
In terms of seeing the world, I only got to see the U.S. and Mexico.
I haven’t talked to my dad much this year.
I never learned to write without a deadline forcing me to haul ass—and glue mine to the desk chair.
I didn’t publish my book.
I didn’t have more sex.
The U.S. went out arguing about taxes and gun control.
I wouldn’t get to play with my cousin anymore.
I never met the one born shortly before she was.
I never learned to swim.
I haven’t seen two of my sisters since February.
I never got to meet my “niece,” Yohanna.
I didn’t finish reading one single book in 2012.
I spent so much of 2012 writing grants.
I didn’t get to start a book club (or something like that) for black women reading black women.
I would never see Christmas lights again.
Joy hasn’t been a big part of the past several years for me. Maybe even the past decade.
If the Mayans are right, I want to spend today/tonight:
Dining on sushi, white grape juice, an amaretto sour, my grandmother’s fried chicken, her pork chops (and I haven’t eaten pork since I was 10), fruit, and a long list of stuff with tons of white flour, egg yolks, granulated sugar, butter and 100 percent fat-filled cream.
Hugging my family.
Playing with the babies I either haven’t seen yet or don’t get to see enough.
Making one last attempt at making one.
Singing my favorite songs.
Thanking God for letting me do all of the above.
*I know the prophecy of the world’s end on Dec. 21, 2012, has been thoroughly debunked, but why not have a little fun with it? Tell me what’s on your Mayan Prophecy Lists in the comments.