“Is Marriage ‘In’ Again?”
Since I just started reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, “Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage,” yesterday, the above question jumped out at me as I scrolled through my Twitter feed. Â Clutch magazine posed the question in relation to the recent nuptials of Toya Carter and Memphitz, and those of several other celebrities.
It was truly the question seen in the tweet that convinced me to read the post because I have no idea who Toya Carter and Memphitz are, and I don’t care. Â But their legally-recognized union inspired the author of the post to ask if “marriage is back ‘en vogue’ for young, Black women.'”
I find this disturbing. Celebrities are trend-setters, but as someone else expressed in the comments, “Why is the respectability and option of marriage solely determined by how ‘en vogue’ it becomes for celebrities? Our role models really need to change.”
The last person I need to look toward for inspiration to marry is a famous black woman with money, connections, opportunities and even drama that I don’t have. Just as love is different for reality show contestants who try to find their soul mate on quiet islands full of way-above-average-looking singles and no distractions from things like employment and traffic, the circumstances under which I’m likely to find love and have a marriage that endures are different from those of Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Monica and Keyshia Cole.Â I need to see other poor black women in their early 30s jumping the broom, not just saying how much they want to, to believe that it’s not only “en vogue” but also probable for me to do the same.
I’m not seeing that. Â At least, I’m not seeing it enough in print or in online mags. Â The publications we turn to for advice about our lives are too busy writing stories about celebrity love to find stories about how below-average-looking people who earn below-average salaries, which—in one category or another—is most of us these days, find the one and make it work.
I’m sure the print publications put famous faces forward because celebrities sell mags. Â Perhaps the online publications do the same because they have the same problem I do: They have no material from real-life people. Â I’m seeing a few, and I really mean like 3, black women in their early 30s get married, but no poor ones. Â I’m in the latter category, and there’s nothing exciting going on in my life that I’m willing to share in these posts. Â That’s why there’s so much time between entries on this blog. I don’t think you want a record of what I wear or of the weather or of fluctuating gas prices. Â But there’s not much else going on, and I have to just admit that my opinions usually aren’t that different from those of other much more famous writers you’ve probably already turned to for daily commentary.
All of that to say: I’m starving for material here. As the tagline of the blog suggests, this blog is supposed to be about real women, and as you may have read in the about page, our matriarchs were the original target. So if you have a story to share, or one that you think should be shared but that you don’t feel comfortable writing, please leave a comment or contact me. I can’t promise you millions of readers will see it, but I am sure that millions of non-celebrities need some inspiration from role models who are more like them.