I can think of at least three things I’d rather be doing right now instead of writing a blog post: exercising, sleeping, or watching a movie. Instead, I’m writing a post that I have accepted will be awful, because I made a commitment.
It’s not that I’m at that point where blogging every day just got hard. Wait, I guess I am, because this is the first day I’veÂ notÂ wanted to do it, and doing things you don’t want to do are always hard.
The night I decided I would post something because a writer writes, I wanted to write. I wanted to write more than my sleep-deprived strength level would allow. But tonight, I don’t want to write anything. I don’t want to tackle the memoir scene I just described to a friend over the phone. I don’t want to start the analysis of last night’sÂ ScandalÂ or of the story I heard on Q this week about a 19-year-old artist in Britain whose next performance is losing his virginity on stage in his first homosexual sex act. I don’t want to write the head notes due Monday for the document project that’s 70 percent of my grade.
This is the point on my discipline journey that I feared, the point where what I love becomes a chore because I’m doing it to keep from going back on my word, not because I have any desire at all to do what I promised to do. I expected it to come a little later in the process, but here we are at the midpoint, just two weeks and one day into a challenge that takes at least 21 days to solidify itself into a habit, and I would love nothing more right now than to quit.
So why am I posting instead of exercising, sleeping or watching a movie? Three reasons: 1) Only one nearby gym is open; 2) it’s too cold and wet to go to the gym, or to find a Redbox kiosk for a movie; 3) a friend told me to blog. I made the mistake of telling a few people I would post every day in November, and now at least one of them wants to hold me accountable.Â I told him over the phone tonight I didn’t want to blog but I’m supposed to post something every day for 30 days. He said, “Write your blog and call me back.”
And I guess, the blessing, because here I am about to hit “publish” and getting one step closer to my writing goals. Even in this most solitary profession, I still need support.